


Apologize

by Takasuart



Category: Gintama
Genre: Death, First fic be gentle, M/M, Spoilers I guess?, Takasugi loves Shouyou, and Shouyou loves his disciples, it's sad, or perhaps not, watch/read Gintama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takasuart/pseuds/Takasuart
Relationships: Takasugi Shinsuke/Yoshida Shouyou
Kudos: 3





	Apologize

It may be surprising that sometimes someone express single gestures that may affect your future. A future that ironically nobody knows and what it will bring with it. 

It may be surprising that sometimes someone will say single words that flow from mouth like poison. 

We don't realize how delusional a sense of control over one's fate can be. He found out about it faster than he could have expected. He could only go straight ahead, leaving only corpses behind for centuries. 

He couldn't remember when he lost track of who he really was, though... did he ever really have one?

Centuries have passed... over time, he was called a demon, a heartless monster. Is it wrong to act in the only way he knows? How blind is this world to not notice the real demons that exist among us? They can only destroy others until they fall. They arise from such "beings" like them - ruthless, cruel, with hands dirty of shed blood.

He decided to end it all, wanting to cut himself off from constant suffering, but fate had other plans for him. As soon as he left the path full of blood for a moment, **he** appeared on his path. His own hope for better and poison. _**His little dojo hunter.**_ From the beginning, a rebel, he always wanted to do everything in his own way, and he had something he could envy in his heart - obstinacy.

Obstinacy to rise up after the fall, to fight, to hold on to his beliefs, regardless of the obstacles. How can something so fragile be so strong? 

Unfortunately, knowing what a cruel place the world is, he knew that if one day it would disappear, someone would try to extinguish his hope. He wanted to hold the boy in his arms, preferably for eternity if possible. 

**_And it happened..._ **

He disappeared... he was consumed by his own darkness, with which he lacked the strength to fight. So much suffering fell on those tiny shoulders. So overwhelming, even pulling to the bottom... just to try and put that light out completely. 

**_I'm sorry..._ **

No matter how many empty moments passed, he never expected anyone to remember him. Trying to break through the surrounding nothingness around him, he suffers. Perhaps he sometimes loses faith in what he does. 

**_I'm sorry... I'm not worth it..._ **

It could only be **him**. After all, in his infinite life he has never before met a person as tenacious and stubborn as he was. For literally a short while, where the heart should be, he felt pride. **He** really grew up to be a wonderful person... as you might expect.

But that feeling passed as quickly as it appeared. It was dark again, he heard voices full of contempt and hatred everywhere. He felt all the pain of all those who died from his blade. He closed his eyes, wanting to cut himself off from everything. He became even more absent, even more unreachable. 

_**I'm sorry... I'm not worth it... your forgiveness...** _

Not knowing how long he was in this state, he decided to open his eyes again. This time, however, it was different... all the voices went silent and there was light all around. Lots of light. 

The first thing he thought about was that maybe he was dead, but he quickly put that idea aside. He felt he was always dead. The only exception was when he allowed himself to rebel and left the path. Just like... just like someone so close and distant at the same time.

Perhaps... it was different this time... it was the first time he really started living. No more darkness, no more hateful voices. Unfortunately, **he** wasn't hoping anymore. Even though he looked asleep, tired of fighting all the time, he knew one thing... **he** was already in another place. 

Suddenly it started to rain. Despite the sun rising in the sky, it rained. Every time he felt a heartbeat, it just got worse. How else could he explain all that wetness on his face? How could he explain the pain in the eyes that saw the end of countless lives? 

The world is a cruel and ruthless place. There will always be some injustice, but in all its cruelty, it's in balance. _**Life for life**._

_It may be surprising that sometimes someone express single gestures that may affect your future. A future that ironically nobody knows and what it will bring with it._

_It may also be surprising that sometimes, wanting to convey certain words in the simplest way, we are unable to gather thoughts. We can't express our true heart. Putting something so important aside for too long will make it too late._

_**This time it was too late...** _

The world is a cruel place. It's not fair to anyone, applies only the rules it knows. That's why he knew he couldn't stop. He had to get up, no matter how many times he fell, fight to make it better and better every day and never be overwhelmed by darkness.

He gently removed the hair from **his** face, wanting to burn as much detail as possible in his memory. He wanted to remember **him** as long as possible. It will be a source of strength to fight the difficulties that sometimes stand in his - already new - path. 

On **his** forehead, he kissed with affection and gratitude for his life. It was the only thing... the only way to show gratitude that he could offer him for all the hardship, before the earth swallowed him completely. One thing was certain... they will meet again one day. Then things will be different... everything will be much simpler. 

**_Sleep well, my dearest..._ **

He won't be alone in this fight. He also has other, so wonderful - and so different - disciples. There is one goal that unites their souls. One goal connects their hearts, in which all their precious but lost lives are held. 


End file.
